


The Witness

by beautiful_suicide



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Butterfly Effect, Canon, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Horror, Psychosis, Romance, Schizophrenia, Supernatural Elements, Unbeta-ed, We Die Like Men, did, non-canon, pre-game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-25 19:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18267776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautiful_suicide/pseuds/beautiful_suicide
Summary: Instead of Beth running off alone after Hannah, another person was there as well. How does the addition of one extra person change the fate of the personality's of some of the characters? What emotional, mental, and physical challenges does the group have to go through?Instead of Beth running off alone after Hannah, what if Sam had ran after Hannah as well? How would things change.Boom: Butterfly Effect. - Christopher Hartley, Until Dawn





	1. One Year Before

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've recently fallen in love with Until Dawn and with each and every character, and yes, this includes the bitchy and not so bright ones. 
> 
> ~Some dialogue used from Until Dawn  
> ~follows game storyline (for the most part, i'll start to stretch away from it a few chapters into the story)
> 
> This is gonna be a long work in progress but it has been a while since I've felt motivated to write so I'm excited!
> 
> If you've never checked Until Dawn, go watch some play through's of it on YouTube. I'll even link a few playlists of my favorites.
> 
> Markiplier's Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3tRBEVW0hiDgA0cpbPK3M7muv4G_Qb3P  
> Cryaotic's Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeqwXTaiY-OwFSBG-fzSIIdVO5WQG_0De  
> CrankGamePlay's Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAU1boowJkqADAFm7u1TvDSUShjK30Q42
> 
> Enjoy!

Sam sighed heavily, turning away from the group and heads upstairs. She calls out for Hannah a few times, trying to locate her before this stupid prank could play out. She honestly didn’t know what was going through their minds, especially Jess and Emily. Mike was just going along with it because he didn’t care either way. Matt and Ashley…They must just think it’s mindless fun, a harmless prank apparently.

Sam didn’t think it was harmless, this was just stupid and unnecessary. Just tell Hannah that Mike doesn’t like her and let her down easily, don’t humiliate her.

“Hannah?” Sam called out, walking around a corner. She shook her head before heading back downstairs to the guest room, hoping to stop Hannah before she entered the room. She appeared to be too late though. She reached the bottom of the stairs in time to see Hannah rushing out of the room and through the sitting area and straight out the door and into the night.

Sam yells, “Hannah!”, chasing after her, stopping once she’s right outside the door. She can hear Beth inside trying to wake up Josh, who is probably on his way to sleepy town right now, so making a split decision, Sam runs after Hannah before she loses her.

“Hannah! Stop running!” Sam desperately calls out, running after Hannah quickly. Sam may be pretty fit since she’s pretty active but running in the snow and trying not to fall everywhere is a massive challenge. She can barely hear the sounds of Hannah crying over the howling wind and eerie emptiness of the night. Sam finally catches up to Hannah when she’s knelt down, holding her chest. She’s still crying, rubbing her arms.

“I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I actually believed that he liked me for even a second!” She mumbled out, angrily and upset, jaw clenched. Sam sighed sadly for her and knelt down beside of her, wrapping her arms around her. She ran her hands up and down Hannah’s arms, trying to warm her up a tiny bit.

“Hannah!” Sam hears behind her, Beth running up to the pair. “Oh, thank goodness, you caught up to her, Sam.”

She’s never heard Beth sound more grateful. “Beth, you guys are my best friends, of course I’m going to run after her.”

Hannah gasped, “I’m such an idiot. I’m so dumb…” and shook violently. Beth took off her coat and wrapped it around Hannah. Eventually, they get Hannah to stand up and properly put the coat on. The three of them are just standing there when they hear a strange noise behind them. Sam can’t quite make out what made the noise but it’s big and it’s shadow is leaping through the forest. She gulps and almost collectively as a group, they start running forward and away from the creature.

They cross a bridge in the midst of them running away, Hannah falling while Sam and Beth don’t. Sam falls back and helps Hannah up and pushes her forward to catch up with Beth, taking the rear of the group as they continue sprinting away. Sam’s running on the edge of the forest when something grabs a hold of the back of her shirt and yanks her back into the dark parts of the forest. She almost screams when a hand is thrown over her mouth and she’s yanked around to look at the shadow of a person who whispers in her ear, ‘ _Don’t scream_ ’. Unsure of why she’s listening to him, she doesn’t make any noise and just watches as the man runs up behind the creature, which has now chased Hannah and Beth to the edge of the cliff.

Sam watches as Hannah and Beth hold hands, both of them looking so scared out of their minds. Hannah takes a step back to far and ends up yanking both herself and Beth off the edge, yelping loudly as they fell. Sam almost screams, hands flying to her face as she steps out from the forest edge. The stranger is using a flamethrower, which Sam didn’t notice earlier, against the creature. It’s howls fill up the forest and it runs away so fast that Sam isn’t sure that it didn’t just ‘blur’ away. Shaking, Sam ran desperately with tears streaming down her face. She leaned over the edge of the cliff and almost sobbed as she saw the pair of her friends, hanging onto a branch embedded in the cliff for dear life. Sam reaches a hand down towards Beth.

“Grab my hand!” She yells at Beth, even though she knows that Beth technically can’t. When Beth shakes her head with tears in her eyes, Sam tells her to hold on. Beth smiles a watery smile, even though she’s clearly scared to death. Sam barely has time to say ‘it’s gonna be okay’ when a sharp crack is heard and simultaneously, she sees the twins headed straight down into emptiness.

Sam swears she sees the world move in slow-motion as she watches her friends fall to, what is inevitably, their death. She sees Beth’s mouth open in a scream, Hannah’s wide eyes becoming smaller as they fall farther away. And there’s Sam, on top of the cliff, helpless to do anything but be a witness to her friends deaths.

Sam turns away from the cliff so fast and throws up a few feet away from the edge. Her head starts spinning and her breathing is definitely sporadic. She slaps her face a few times, but her vision is blurry, and she can’t think straight, and she let herself believe that they’re just gone that easily. They’re not! They can’t be! Shaking and sobbing, she turns away and expects to see the stranger but there’s no one. It’s like it didn’t even happen, like it was a part of her imagination. Yeah, that’s what happened, she just thought the entire thing up.

She walks back, slowly and unsurely to the lodge. By the time she’s walked all the way back, wind-howling in her still ringing ears and eyes still blurred with unshed tears, she’s full convinced herself that she had just gotten split up from Hannah and Beth when they started running away. Sam unsteadily walks up the stairs and walks inside the lodge, leaning heavily against the door.

“Sam! Are you okay? Where’s Hannah and Beth?” Ashley asked, jumping up from where she had been situated on the couch. The entire group, minus Chris and Josh, had been waiting in the sitting area, waiting on the trio to return.

Sam takes in a shaky breath. They just got split up from her. They’re okay. They have to be.

“W-we got split up. We were s-standing, and we thought we h-heard a strange noise, so we ran to get out of there and I wasn’t p-paying attention and ending up going a completely different way and ended up here. I thought they would have already b-been back by n-now.” Sam said through chattering teeth, still clamoring together from the cold that lingered on her body. Matt grabbed a blanket that was laying on the couch and brought it over to Sam and wrapped it around her before leading her over to the couch. Sam sat down heavily and put her head in her hands. She just imagined the pair falling off the cliff, she knows that she did. She’s always been told that she has a super imaginative mind.

“Surely they’ll turn up soon.” Matt said comfortingly. He patted her head before walking back to sit beside of Ashley. Minutes creaked by and eventually turned into hours. Everyone else slowly dispersed to go to the rooms to go to sleep while Sam sat there on the couch all night, staring out the window as she watched the sun rise. And she watched as there was no return of Hannah or Beth.

Once it hit around noon, Josh came stumbling in, scratching his head. Sam was still sitting in the sitting area, the bags underneath of her eyes were prominent.

“What’s up, Sam-I-Am?” Josh asked, rubbing at his sleep-crusted eyes. Sam turned to Josh and watched as his face went from sleepy to alarmed. “Hey, what’s wrong? Have you slept at all?”

Sam whispered, “They’re not back.”

“Who’s not back?”

“Hannah and Beth. It’s been almost ten hours now.” Sam whispered, turning back to the window.

“Sam.” Josh said, a stern and strong tone to his voice, one that didn’t display that he had just woken up.

“Where’s my sisters? What happened?”

Sam gulped.

“Last night, the others decided that they were going to play a prank on Hannah. They thought it was harmless, but I knew it wasn’t. So, I went to go find her before they could play it on her. I was too late and watched as Hannah ran from this place. I chased after her immediately and found her a few minutes later. I sat with her until Beth showed. We stood there for a minute after getting Hannah a jacket before we heard something weird and it didn’t sound good, so we ran. We got split up, and I ended up getting back here and they didn’t.” Sam said with a wobbling lip, her voice quivering.

Josh didn’t say anything for a minute.

“You got…split up?” He questioned, his tone flat. Sam nodded her head, eyes burning with tears.

“How do you get SPLIT UP? Are you fucking blind or something, Sam?! I know you’re smarter than to just let yourself get split up and to leave my sisters along in the DEAD of NIGHT!” Josh seethed, yelling at Sam who, even though her head was splitting, and her heart hurt, sat up straighter and glared at Josh.

“I’m sorry, Mr. I-Got-Too-Wasted-I-Couldn’t-Wake-Up, but it’s fucking pitch black out there, I could barely see six inches in front of me. It’s not my fault we got split up, I’m lucky I even made it back here.” She said, tone a little stronger.

“Yeah, well maybe you shouldn’t have. I’d rather my sisters be here than you.” Josh said, anger taking the priority emotion in him. Josh didn’t even seem to realize what he said for a minute before Sam saw regret enter his eyes. Sam didn’t care though. The words had already been said and her heart hurt even more than it did before he woke up.

She nodded and turned her head. She unclasped the blanket from around her shoulders and grabbed a heavy jacket. She didn’t say anything to Josh.

“Sammy, you know I didn’t mean that. I’m just angry and…”

“No worries. Since you’d rather your sisters be here and for me to be missing, I’ll go ahead and just start the search party, yeah? Maybe, I’ll get lost too.” She said, flatter than flat tone and reaching for the doorknob. Without listening to what Josh is saying, she throws open the door and walks out, not stopping in her tracks. She hears Josh swears as he fumbles around in the house as she walks further and further away. Sooner rather than later, she’s in the middle of the woods.

“Hannah?” She calls out. “Beth?”

She walks aimlessly, calling out their names. Hunger gnaws at her stomach as time passes by, but it means little to her. Hours must pass because the sun eventually sets and it’s night time once again. She shivers, still walking around and calling their names.

No one ever responds.

It gets darker and colder.

She’s shivering, still calling out their names. She’s looking straight at the bridge where Hannah fell just yesterday when a voice calls out, “Hey!”

She whips around and sees Josh and Chris both headed her way. They both look so relieved while Josh also looks mad. He walks up to her quickly and hugs her tightly, tucking his face into her shoulder. He shakily lets out a breath of air, tightening his grip on her.

“Don’t do that again, okay! Never. I’m sorry for what I said, I…I was just so caught up in my feelings and in my head that I just lashed out. I’d never want you to be missing, you mean just as much to me as my sisters do.” Josh said, pulling back and leaning his forehead against hers. Sam didn’t say anything, just nodded her head.

The three of them made their way back to the lodge and stood in the sitting area. Josh looked dumb-founded, like he couldn’t believe what was going on. Chris looked confused and unsure. And Sam? Sam was so deep in her head with pain that she barely noticed what was going on.

Later that night, she heard Josh crying out. She stood up from her room and made her way towards him. He was situated on the floor in between his sisters bed, head hanging as he openly sobbed. Sam slowly walked towards him and sat next to him. He didn’t give her any sigh that he noticed she was there besides the fact that he grabbed her hand and held on.

“I don’t want them to be gone. Please tell me they’re gonna come back. They can’t be gone. They’re the only part of my family that cares for me, truly. God, if I only hadn’t have gotten drunk…” He trailed off, biting his lip and clenching his eyes shut as a tear slipped further down his face. Sam shushed him and held his hand tighter.

“It’s not your fault, Josh. You didn’t know this was going to happen.” Sam said.

“That’s the point, I should expect the unexpected, I shouldn’t have let myself get so gone. I’m the older brother, I’m the protector, I should have been aware enough to notice something was wrong with my sisters before noon the next day!” He yelled out, another sob ripping through him. He drew his knees up and put his head on them, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“Please…Please…Give them back, bring them back, please, please, please, it hurts so much, make it stop…” Josh whimpered, shaking his head back and forth. Sam’s eyes burned for the umpteenth time that day, burning with tears as she stared at the boy she had come to love. He was in so much pain and so heartbroken without his sisters near. Sam took her hand back but quickly wrapped her arms around him.

She held him tightly as he shook with agony, and they stayed there all night and Sam got to watch the sun rise again. Another sleepless night.

Josh eventually fell asleep, tuckered out against her chest. She kept running her hand through his hair, trying to soothe him from the outside enough that the emotions on the inside would stay dormant until he awoke. He deserved a good night of sleep.

What was supposed to be a get together party turned into a missing persons case. Sam shook her head in disbelief as she looked up at the ceiling. Of course, this would happen to them.

The only thing that bothered Sam was the fact that the line between her reality and what was an illusion, something she made, was starting to blur. It wouldn’t be long before she couldn’t tell the difference anymore.


	2. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone dealing with what happened a year ago? Specifically, how is Sam holding up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect for my story to go about this way but I love it?

Sam stared out the window of the bus lifelessly, barely blinking as she listened aimlessly to the news reporters talk about the anniversary of the disappearances of the Washington twins. Their words just drift in one ear and out the other. She blinks slowly before looking back down at her phone as a video of Josh appeared on her screen.

‘ _Well, hello friends and fans...Let’s do that again.’_

 _‘Alright. Well, hello, friends and fans. It’s beyond awesome to have you guys all back this year. Um, first off, I am super excited to welcome all my pals back to the annual Blackwood Winter get-away. Ahh!’_ Josh enthuses, raising his hands above his hands and shaking his hands. He’s smiling through saying everything, putting on a strong front when Sam knows that he’s still hurting.

_‘So, um, let me just let you know, uh, let’s take a moment to address the ‘elephant in the room’ for a second…I know, you’re all probably worried about me and I know it’s going to be tough on all of us going back after what happened last year but…I just want you all to know, um…it means…it means so much to me that we’re doing this and that…’_

Sam could see him start to get lost for words, emotion getting trapped in his eyes as he tried to find the words to say.

 _‘…I know it would mean so much to Hannah and Beth that we’re all still here together, you know, thinking of them. I really want to spend some quality time with each…and every one of you and, um, just share some moments that we’ll never forget…for…for the sake of my sisters and, you know. Ok, so. Let’s party like we’re fucking porn stars, okay? Make this one trip we will never forget, alright? Yes!’_ Josh threw his hands up again, voice lit up with half-assed enthusiasm. Sam tilted her head in interest before shaking her head. Honestly, she was surprised that Josh had invited any of them up again. Considering that just three months ago, he wasn’t speaking to anyone but Chris, barely would speak to Sam.

The only time she got to talk to Josh was when he was fucked up, mentally or just drunk out of his mind. She didn’t care that they weren’t really talking anymore, he was the only one who knew that she was messed up. He didn’t know how much though, thankfully.

* * *

 

**3 Weeks After Disappearance of Hannah & Beth**

Twiddling her thumbs together, Sam sat on the chair outside of the doctor’s office. Psychiatrist, that is. Her mom had scheduled an appointment for Dr. Ferguson when she came back from the get together different. She wasn’t really talking and would stare for hours at the walls, whispering to herself.

 _‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to_ …’

Sam really didn’t want to be here right now.

“Sam?” Her head jerked upwards and she stared right at Josh Washington. “Hey, what are you doing here? Did my mom tell you to pick me up from my appointment today?” Josh was open about his struggle with his mental illness, suffering from manic depressive order and anxiety. Her eyes looked up to the door next to Dr. Ferguson’s office and saw the plaque that said, ‘Dr. Hill’. She didn’t know that this was the place where Josh was seeing his psychiatrist as well.

Sam stuttered.

“Uh, well…” Sam was cut off by Dr. Ferguson’s office door being opened and her name being called out. Josh stared at her confusedly. Just as she stood up, Melinda Washington’s voice echoed from down the hall, “Come on, Josh. Let’s get going, honey.”.

She didn’t say anything to Josh as she walked by, but she felt his eyes staring at her as she walked into Dr. Ferguson’s office and felt the questions rolling through him as the door shut, cutting him off from looking at her. She let out a breath of air and sat down in the chair across from his desk.

He sat down carefully in front of her and brought out a recorder.

“Is it alright if I record our sessions? I listen back to them later and take detailed notes, that way during the session, I can focus my attention fully on you and then later, visit back to those notes and refer to them.”

Sam nodded her head, that was fine even though she partly wanted him to take current notes that way he wouldn’t be looking at her all the time.

He clicked the recorder on and spoke into it. _‘February 27 th, 2014. First Session with Samantha Giddings. Diagnosis to be determined_.’ He sat the recorder down and looked at her.

“So, Samantha. Why has your family and/or yourself decided that you needed to be seen? What’s your concern with your well-being and what are you experiencing?” Sam gulped and flitted her eyes around. She didn’t want to talk about it. But if she had to talk about it, then it’d probably be best to talk to someone confidential about it.

“Well. Almost a month ago, two of my close friends disappeared and I’ve been having a hard time dealing with it. But…I don’t know what really happened to them. Part of me believes that I got split up from them but another part of me believes that I saw them die and I don’t know which part of me that I believe.” She admitted, staring at the table. Dr. Ferguson hummed and nodded his head.

“Okay, let’s talk about the missing people. Who were they to you?”

“Their names are… _were_ Hannah Washington and Beth Washington. They were my closest friends. _”_

“Washington’s? Are they related to a Joshua Washington?”

“He’s their older brother.”

“And how do you feel about him?”

“I would consider myself to be friends with him?”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“I mean, we’re friends but I feel like he might’ve just been friends with me because of his sisters and that I may be a painful memory for him now.”

Dr. Ferguson hummed in understanding.

“Okay. And how exactly have you been dealing with your friends’ disappearance?”

Sam tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and slowly breathed in.

“Well, I don’t think I’ve been dealing with it. Periods of time go by without me realizing it, I stare mindlessly at walls without many thoughts coming to mind. Sometimes, I swear that I can see Hannah and Beth standing in the corners of my room or showing up in the back of my car. Sometimes, they just stare at me and other times, they’ll ask me questions.”

Dr. Ferguson looked interested in what she was saying. “What would they ask?”

“Why did I let them die? Why didn’t I help them? Other times, they’ll ask ‘how could you split up from us’? Sometimes, they’ll ask ‘why did you hide’?”

“These questions don’t seem to be correlated to each other. Is this because you can’t determine what actually happened in your mind?” He asked.

“I…I think so.”

“Well, can you tell me what you think happened to them? The first version, please.”

“Well, there was a prank played on Hannah and she ran away into the woods, away from the problematic people. No one was running after her, so I ran after her. I caught up to her and stayed with her until Beth showed up. We were standing there for a moment before we heard something in the dark parts of the woods, so we decided to run away. We were scared. It was pitch black out there. I was running without paying attention and ending up taking a turn where Hannah and Beth didn’t go and got split up from them. By the time that I realized that we were split up, I couldn’t turn back and risk getting even further lost in the woods, so I went straight, and found myself back at the lodge. Hannah and Beth never made it back.”

“Well, that certainly sounds like that could happen, I understand your pain for losing your friends, Sam. Is this scenario the reason why they asked you as to why you split up from them?” Sam nodded her head, staring unseeingly at the wall behind Dr. Ferguson.

“What are you looking at, Sam? You look like you’re not here.”

She stuttered. “T-they’re here, they’re right behind you, do you see them?!” She pointed behind him, a crazy look in her eyes.

_‘Sam, why did you let us die? How could you? We were supposed to be your best friends.’_

_You are, you are, you are. I didn’t let anyone die, I didn’t do anything._

_‘But you did, it’s your fault, it’s all your fault…_ ’

“Sam, there’s no one here besides you and I. We’re the only one’s in this office.” Dr. Ferguson said calmly, raising his hands to show a calm stance. Sam’s eyes flickered back and forth to the wall and to him before nodding reluctantly, sitting back further in her chair. She saw Dr. Ferguson stare at her blankly for a moment before nodding, sitting back in his seat.

“What’s the other scenario that you think could’ve happened?” He asked calmly.

“Well, the majority of the story is still the same.” She started quietly, seeing Hannah and Beth’s figure out of the corner of her eye, growing grayer with every second.

“The prank was still played on Hannah, she still ran away, and I still followed with Beth following after me. We still heard the same noise but this time, we stayed together. Beth was in front, Hannah in the middle, and I was in the back. I must have been a bit away from them because I got tugged into the forest. Someone told me to be quiet and I don’t know why, but I stayed quiet. I think I was just so scared. About 100 feet away, Hannah and Beth were backed up onto the edge of a cliff and were holding hands, with some sort of…man-creature shrieking in front of them. Hannah lost her footing and they both fell. The man who pulled me into the shadows of the woods had ran out and was lighting the creature on fire with the flame-thrower he had. The creature ran off and I ran to the edge of the cliff to see Beth and Hannah hanging onto a branch for dear life. I tried to help them, but the branch fell, and I got to see my friends fall to their death.” Sam said as quickly as she could, hoping that she never had to recite what her brain had thought up.

She looked over and saw Beth staring lifelessly at her before her neck cracked and spun around 180 degrees. Sam gagged in the back of her mouth and watched as Hannah blinked randomly at her. Hannah didn’t do anything drastic and Sam was torn between being relieved and being terrified.

She looked back at Dr. Ferguson and saw him looking at the ceiling.

“I know losing friends is hard. Almost as hard as losing family, I would say. I think that your mind is going through something very traumatic right now and trying to cope with the lose that you’ve endured.”

Sam nodded, she definitely agreed with that, her problem was trying to figure out what was real and what she had made up.

“I know that you’re probably very confused right now, and that’s okay. It’s going to take many sessions to determine what your diagnosis is, and we will work through this together. I want you to come back and see me three times a week, until we know what your diagnosis is. Is that alright with you?”

Sam nodded.

Over the next three months, she visited Dr. Ferguson three times a week, twelve times a month. 30 sessions after her first visit, she was finally holding a piece of paper that had her diagnosis’ on it.

_Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)_

_Psychotic Depression_

_Schizophrenia_

Sam stared in disbelief at the paper, this couldn’t be her diagnosis. She wasn’t…crazy! She wasn’t! Sure, she saw things and heard people talking to her when they weren’t actually there, but she wasn’t that messed up, she wasn’t!

“I know this is shocking, Sam. You probably weren’t expecting this diagnosis, no one really is expecting their diagnosis to be what they want it to be. But after three months of deep and concise sessions, I truly do believe this is what is affecting you and I want to help you get better and to be able to live peacefully with them.” Sam didn’t say anything, just watched her shaking hands for a minute.

She wanted to get better, she had to get better. She was supposed to be strong, independent, the leader. She couldn’t let this hinder her for her entire life. If Dr. Ferguson, who has been incredibly patient and helpful with her, thought that this is what was wrong with her, then who was she to not believe him? She came to him for help, she needed to take that help now.

“How…how are you going to treat this?” She asked quietly, folding the paper that her diagnosis on it in half.

“We’re going to start you on two different medications. The first one is called fluoxetine, known as Prozac. The second one is called Ziprasidone, known as Geodon. Now, we’re going to start both medications at a lose dosage. We’ll start Prozac at 10 mg once a day for three weeks then 20 mg once a day after that. We’ll see after two months of 20 mg of Prozac if we need to raise the dosage higher. For the Geodon, we’ll start you at a dosage of 20 mg, twice a day. We’ll raise it to 40 mg, twice a day, if in a month your symptoms haven’t subsided any. Both of these need to be taken with food but you can take the Prozac without food if you want. Alright?” He was writing this down on a piece of paper for her as he spoke. She wouldn’t remember most of that, she knew she wouldn’t.

“I want to continue our sessions while you get adjusted to your medication but only once a week. I want to see how it’s affecting you and if your symptoms subside over the course of time. I’ve already wrote your first two prescriptions and sent them to your pharmacy. Is there any questions that you have?” Dr. Ferguson asked, handing her the piece of paper.

She shook her head, not really caring to talk. He bid her good day and she walked out in the hallway. She barely walked down the hallway when someone called her name. She looked behind her and saw Chris and Josh waving at her. Both of them looked better than the last time she had saw them, which was two months ago at a bowling party they attended with the rest of the group. She waved weakly at them, still taken back by her diagnosis and saw as their facial expression changed from happy to concerned. She turned on her foot and walked away as quickly as possible, so she didn’t have to interact or face the fact that she was so mentally messed up.

* * *

 

**Present Day**

She pulled her bag closer to her and opened it up, making sure her two most important items besides her phone was inside. Both orange bottles rattled around inside and she let out a breath of air. She was truly thankful that she got help. The anti psychotic medication, Geodon, helped so much with her hallucinations and delusions. She barely saw Hannah and Beth much after her second month of being on the medication. It was, of course, raised to a dosage of 40 mg, twice a day, seeing as 20 mg barely took away any of her symptoms. The Prozac helped improve her mood, as well helped her get a regular sleep schedule and be able to eat properly again. She never has regained her extroverted energy, instead she preferred to stay to herself and not talk to anyone she didn’t want to be bothered with. It was really strange that she was completely different from how she was a year ago.

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked down at it.

_Josh: How are you feeling?_

He sent her that message at least once a day since he saw her in that psychiatrist office almost eleven months ago.

_Sam: Pretty okay, I guess. It’s weird to be coming back._

She knew that he wanted to know more about why she was there, but she never opened up about it, Dr. Ferguson said that she never had to open up about if she didn’t want to. But he encouraged that she should probably let people in and let them know. She had just shrugged her shoulders when he told her that.

_Josh: Yeah, I know. It’s super odd being here without them. I know that they’d want us to be together though, to be there for each other._

_Sam: Yeah, I guess that you’re right. How are you doing?_

Sam didn’t like talking about Hannah and Beth. Even though she was being treated right now, it was still painful to talk about them and they just reminded her of her mental state.

_Josh: Really good, actually. Dr. Hill says that he has seem a lot of improvement in me so he encouraged me to get everyone together. I would have done it sooner but it seems too soon, ya know? At least it was for me. I wasn’t ready for this up until two months ago._

_Sam: I understand. I’m honestly not sure that I’m 100% ready for this. It’s still painful._

Not to mention that Sam blamed herself for their death, she wasn’t ready to forgive herself just yet.

_Josh: That’s okay. We’re all here for you, I’m here for you. You know you can tell me anything, right?_

_Sam: Yeah._

_Sam: I’m glad to have you in my life, Josh._

_Josh: I’m grateful to have you, Sammy._

_Sam: The bus just arrived so I’ll be there shortly. Can’t wait to see you! Save me a hug._

_Josh: Always. Be safe._

Sam thanked the bus driver and walked off the bus, starting her journey to the cable car station. After a long walk up to the station, she sees no sign of Chris at the station but finds his backpack on a bench, front pocket open with his phone hanging out. Knowing that she couldn’t snoop in someone else’s stuff, especially since she wouldn’t want someone snooping through her bag and finding her meds, she closes his bag and waits for Chris to show his face.

Chris finally walks around the right side of the building and greets her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked, sympathy in his voice. She knows that he knows something is wrong with her, especially after seeing her at the psychiatrist office months ago. She smiles though and shrugs her shoulders.

“I’m okay, it’s weird being back.”

“Yeah, you got that right. Come on, let’s get going. I know Josh is excited to see you and I want to get warm already.”

“Yeah, you sure you don’t want to hurry up and make your way to Ashley?” She teased, walking behind him as he unlocked the station door and led them both in.

“Oh, ha ha, very funny. I wouldn’t mind making my way up and seeing her but preferably, I want to get warm and toasty before I lose my fingers.”

“Oh, quit whining, it’s not _that_ bad.” She said, smacking his shoulder, watching as the cable car descended back down from the top station. It croaked as it landed into the platform and it’s doors opened up, beckoning them inside. She sat down and sighed.

“I hope this was the right thing to do.”

“Huh?” Chris asked.

“Getting everyone together on the anniversary, I mean.”

“Oh yeah, it’s great idea. We can all be there for each other and truthfully, it’s been a while since I’ve seen Josh so excited about something.”

Sam nodded her head and looked out at the view as the cable car climbed.

“Hey, do you know how Josh and I met?” She shook her head.

“It was the third grade. Josh sat in the back and I sat in the front. The kid who had been sitting next to Josh started strap snapping the training bra of the girl in front of him so he got moved to the front where I was sitting.”

“So?”

“So, I got moved to the back.”

“And?”

“And next to Josh! That’s how we met! And became friends to this day.”

“Man, what a match. Made in heaven, I tell ya.”

“If it weren’t for the fact that Jeanie Simmonds hit puberty like, three years early on that day decided to wear a low-cut shirt that showed off her training bra, I mean who knows? You could be riding in this cable car alone right now or talking to some other person entirely. Boom, Butterfly Effect.”

She nodded her head thoughtfully, he wasn’t wrong. It’s sometimes crazy to think that one thing can impact everything else so much. Eventually the cable car pulled into the top station and they got out, only to come to the door that was closed shut.

“Oh, come on.” Chris muttered.

Chris then randomly banged on the door. Sam heard a girly shout outside.

“Hey, Jess!”

“Jessica, over here!” Sam called out.

Jessica walked over with a weird look on her face. “Are you guys, like, having a really weird stroke or something?”

“Can you let us out please? We’re stuck in here.” She asked, hearing Chris ask her the same thing.

Jessica rolled her eyes and pressed on a button that let them out.

“Thanks, Jess.” Sam said, gratefully, smiling at her. Jessica looked at her and nodded before walking back over to the bench against the station.

“Waiting for someone?” Chris asked, walking backwards up the trail to head to the lodge.

“Yeah, just…whoever comes next.” Christ nodded without asking, not really wanting to get into Jessica’s business at the very moment before turning around, gesturing for Sam to catch up.

Sam sped up her walking a bit before letting out a deep breath. “Wow, it’s beautiful. Sometimes I forget to just stop and take everything in.” She said, looking over the mass amount of the amount she could currently see. It was truly breathtaking.

“C’mon, Sammy. Josh really wanted to see you and it’s just gonna colder the longer we stay out. I did say that I wanted to get nice and toasty, right?” He said, joking under his tone.

Sam rolled her eyes fondly before turning away from the view and climbing up the trail with Chris.

Maybe she just needed to hang out with her friends to feel normal again. She had been neglecting herself, socially, for a very long time.

She couldn’t help but feel that something was going to go very wrong though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's it going so far?   
> What I've decided so far is that Sam is going to have schizophrenia, psychotic depression, and PTSD while Josh is going to have DID (dissociative identity disorder), depression, anxiety, and autophobia (fear of isolation). I haven't decided whether or not if Josh's DID is going to be Josh and the Psycho or Josh and some other personality. I dunno yet, I have to think about that.   
> I hope you've enjoyed it so far, I know I am. It's been a long time since I've been this excited and involved into writing a fic. I've done a lot of research for this fic and I'm so genuinely happy to be writing again.


	3. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally at the lodge, settling in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Some dialogue used from Until Dawn  
> ~follows game storyline (for the most part, i'll start to stretch away from it a few chapters into the story)

Eventually, Sam and Chris made it up to the lodge. On the stairs of the lodge, there was Ashley and Matt. Ashley looked up and happiness ran through her eyes when she saw Chris. Josh was standing near them and grinned when he saw them walking towards the lodge.

“Cochise! Sammy! Nice to see you guys. How was the trip up here?” He asked as he came closer.

“Long. Man, I feel like this mountain gets bigger every time I climb it.” Chris said, ruffling his hair.

“Really? It feels the same to me.” Josh said, looking over at Sam.

“Oh, come on, you grew up here. It probably feels like it’s shrinking.” Chris said with a huff.

Josh was still looking at Sam, waiting for her response.

“It was fine, a little long but I think that was the anticipation more than anything.” She said, shrugging her shoulders before tucking her coat more securely around herself.

“That’s good, that’s good…It’s nice to see, Sammy. It hasn’t been the same without you.” He said, still looking at her and all over her, like if he stared enough then he would be able to unravel all of her secrets.

“It couldn’t have been much different. I’m just one girl that just happened to be absent for the majority of this past year.”

“About that, are you sure you’re doing okay?” Josh quietly asked as the trio headed back to the porch of the lodge.

Sam nodded her head but then shook her head. She then just decided to shrug. She saw Josh looking at her with concern and confusion.

“Honestly, Josh, I don’t know how I’m doing. I’m just taking it one day at a time and that’s all I can do. Thank you for worrying about me and caring but I’m not going to break at the slightest mention of H-Hannah and Beth. It may be painful but I’m healing. I’m sure you understand?” Sam said, tilting her head to look up at Josh. Josh nodded, pain coming into his eyes as he was surely remembering his sisters.

Chris was grumbling next to them. “When you gonna install some cell towers up here? I’m getting withdrawals already.” Chris asked Josh as he held his phone in the air.

Josh coughed and then raised an eyebrow. “You got a spare million lying around and I’ll fix you right up.”

“Funny you should say that…Ah, I think I left it in my other jacket.” Chris teased, acting like he was searching his current jacket.

“Bummer.” Josh said, rolling his eyes fondly.

“Soooooo, let’s get inside, I want to get warm already. I did not miss the bitter cold.” Chris said, rubbing his hands together. Sam had to agree, crossing her hands to tuck her hands under her armpits.

“Well, come on, Mr. Impatient.” Josh said, gesturing for him to follow. Sam didn’t feel like standing alone in the cold, so she followed as well. They walked up the steps and she watched as Josh tried to open the door.

“Dammit…This freaking thing…” Josh muttered, irritated.

“It’s iced?” Chris asked.

“What else?”

“Maybe there’s another way in.”

“There are a million ways in. They’re just all locked.”

“Well, there’s got to be, like, a window around the corner we can get, like, ‘get open’ or something, right?” Sam said, joining in on the conversation.

Josh turned around and cocked his head at her. “Wait a second, are you saying we should break in?”

“Well…” She drawled out. “I don’t think it’s technically breaking in if you own the place, right?”

Chris nodded, clapping his hands. “Yeah, bro, what she said.”

“Hey. Not if I don’t report you.” Josh said, staring at her blankly. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

Chris hummed, unsure.

Josh, in the next second, cracked a smile and lifted an arm to salute Chris. “Lead the way, Cochise.”

The trio walked back down the stairs and Chris walked over to Ashley. They started talking, catching up and Sam caught herself smiling.

“My, my. Is that Samantha Giddings, truly _smiling_? I thought I’d never see the day.” Josh teased, elbowing her.

“Hey!” She said, pushing him slightly. He barely moved with her push, but it still satisfied her nonetheless. “I can have true appreciation for awkward flirting and cute crushes. There’s something so sweet and innocent about it, ya know?”

Josh nodded, looking back at the pair, before bringing Sam in for a big hug. Sam was startled, she wasn’t expecting for him to do an action like this. Josh may be the healer of the group and cared for his friends, but he wasn’t one to initiate contact of any sort.

“I know you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you, but I worry a lot, okay? I just want you to know that…that I’m here. Whenever you need me. I don’t care if it’s because you can’t reach something from the top shelf in the kitchen or you’re having a full-on mental breakdown and need someone to rely on. I’m here for you, Sammy. Okay?”

Sam, completely caught off guard by his speech, felt her eyes start to well up with tears. She knew she had friends, a good support system, but it still felt good to be reminded. Especially with all the voices that talked in her head, telling her that she was going to be all alone. She nodded and hugged Josh tighter for a second before releasing him.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes and caught Josh watching her with a certain fondness in his eyes, as well as concern that raced though them as well. A few seconds later, Chris had finished catching up with Ashley and joined them once more.

Chris started to lead them up the path that led to the back of the lodge, looking at each window before stopping at the last once. He gestured for Josh to come help him and together, they pushed and pulled at a cabinet nearby until it was underneath the last window. Chris immediately jumps up on the cabinet and almost lost his balance, making Sam gasp lightly, before he steadied himself. He opened the window and climbs in, clearly overestimating his skills, seeing as he falls straight in. She then hears a loud groan and Chris proclaiming he’s okay.

Josh climbs up onto the cabinet and pears in.

“I totally should have paid more attention in climbing class…” Chris muttered loudly.

“Uh, you mean ‘gym’?” Josh said, clearly amused.

“Yeah, you know, with the climbing up the rope…”

Sam hears a loud CRACK come from within the lodge.

“Whoa.” Josh said, staring inside intently.

“Did I do that?” Chris asked.

“I don’t think so, bro. But here, take this.” Josh reaches into his pocket and throws something silver at Chris. “I just got a brilliant idea right now.”

“Your ideas are never brilliant, usually idiotic and sometimes speechless but never brilliant. Hit me with it.”

“So, I’m at least 88% sure that we have deodorant in one of the bathrooms. You could use that and the lighter…”

“Bro, what’s a stick of deodorant going to do?”

Josh stared at him, unamused. “Can. It’s a spray-on.”

“Ohhh…I gotcha. That’s pretty neat, actually.”

“Flamethrower, my dude.”

“Just like the good ole days with the little army dudes.”

“Just point it at the lock and FWOOSH. You got this, right? There’s no need for two people.”

“Nope. But I’ll do it.”

Josh salutes once more. “Godspeed, pilgrim.” After that, he closes the window and jumps off the cabinet, grinning at Sam.

“So?” He said, kicking snow at her.

“So?” She said back, mocking him, kicking out at his leg.

“Hey, foul play! That’s not nice, Sammy.”

“All’s fair in love and war.” She teased, seeing a glint coming into his eyes. She reached down and grabbed a handful of snow and tossed it in his face before sprinting away, laughing freely as she did so. It had truly been a long time since she had felt so free and happy that she was just living in the moment.

She heard Josh sputter behind her and loud, crunchy footsteps as he chased after her.

“Give in, Sammy! Take what you deserve.” He mocked, cackling as he chased her in the snow.

Even though she was a cross country runner, she wasn’t paying attention and tripped over a branch that was sticking up out of the ground. She fell towards the ground and barely caught herself, rolling so that she landed on her back. She barely got a moment to stare at the sky above her before a weight straddled her lap.

She looked further down and stared at the grinning face of Josh. He winked and then proceeded to shove his snow covered hands up the back of her jacket, sweater, and t-shirt. She shrieked and tried to squirm away but was trapped by his legs that were tightly tucked against her hips.

“You’re such a jerk!” She yelled out, giggling while also still trying to escape. Josh just huffed out a laugh at her before leaning down and sticking his cold nose right into the curve of her neck. She let out a yelp as the cold penetrated the warmth she so badly wanted.

“Josh, Joshy, Joshua! Please, I give, get up!” She said, not whined, arching away from his nose.

“Hmm. What do I get in return?”

“Anything, anything, just get off of me.” She said, sticking her hands up and pleading. She blinked a few times innocently as she watched Josh contemplate her words. He nodded and got off of her, holding a hand down for her to grab. She grabbed it and stood up, looking suspiciously at Josh.

“I’ll let you know what I want later, the suspense will kill you in the meantime. C’mon, let’s go ahead and head back to the front of the lodge.” She didn’t like not knowing what he’d want, but she accepted it nonetheless.

 She walked in front of Josh for a minute before turning around. “Now, Josh, don’t take advantage of a lady’s backside as she walks away without her permission.” She said, teasing, knowing that Josh would lash back with his own perverted remark.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Lady Sam. May I have this opportunity to inspect thy booty?” He said, straight-faced before cracking up, grabbing her arm and tucking her under his arm. “Nah, I’d never do that to you, Sam. You deserve better than that.”

Sam was glad that it was so cold out that the blush she felt internally was not showing on the outside. She shrugged her shoulders in response, tucking herself more so into the warmth of Josh’s shoulders. It was only another minute before they arrived at the front door.

She smiled at Ashley and engaged with her for a minute, staring at the front door while Josh starting discussing something with Matt. Probably sports, knowing them.

Interrupting Sam and Ashley, they heard someone making a weird, ghost-like noise. She snickered as she looked at Ashley as the other girl rolled her eyes.

“Hi Chris, very funny.” Sam said, leaning to look into the glass of the front door.

“Awe, how’d you know it was me?”

She ignored his question. “Shouldn’t you be, like, getting the lock open or something?”

Chris nodded his head. “On it!”

She watched as he walked away before turning back to look at the pair of guys. They seemed very passionate, discussing whatever they were talking about. Before she turned around, she saw Josh turn towards her and lock eyes with her. She saw his face break into a smile as she quickly turned around, looking at the landscape, avoiding eye contact with him.

She knew that she had a huge crush on him, but that didn’t mean anything. She had liked him since they were barely teenagers, but he had never shown a true inkling that he liked her. Sure, he flirted with her and teased her and acted like he did like her sometimes but every time that she thought that _maybe_ he actually liked her, he would go and do the same things with another random girl at a party. She couldn’t be special if all the things that he did with her was something he did with someone he didn’t even know. She gave up on the notion that he could even possibly like her two years ago, back when she was 17 and he was 18.

* * *

 

**Two Years Ago**

With songs blasting in her ears, she made her way down the stairs of the lodge to the bottom floor. She was wearing ripped jeans and a blue, long-sleeved, crop top that hugged her chest in a certain way that wasn’t the most comfortable. The top was also low cut, showing off some of her cleavage. Hannah had demanded that she wore that, that she would be so irresistible that even Josh wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her.

Of course, Hannah knew that she had a crush on Josh. Hell, Hannah had been trying to get them to get together for a year, at least. Oh, but Sam really didn’t want to wear something that showed off her curves when she just wanted to be comfortable.

She tugged at the bottom of the shirt as she got to the bottom of the stairs. She walked over to the wall and retied her shoes, which were high-heeled ankle boots. She stood back up and checked her hair in the mirror, which was down for once. She combed her hands through it as she double-checked her makeup, which was light and natural besides her eyeliner, mascara, and highlight. Her lips were a dark nude color that enhanced them, her eyeliner was smoked out making her eyes seem, somehow, sexier and the mascara made her eyelashes look full and luscious. Her highlight brought attention to the good parts of her face and she honestly was pretty in love with how her attire turned out tonight.

She turned around and faced the crowd of people. There was literally people everywhere. And these people somehow went to school with them? She didn’t recognize a fourth of the people here. Sam sighed as she walked through the crowd, making her way to the kitchen, were the alcohol and, inevitably, Josh was.

Which, of course, he was. He was leaning against the countertop, a leg was bent and held in place on the lower cabinet door. He was holding a red solo cup and was talking very animatedly with some brunette. Her mood immediately crashed. He was leaning towards her and winked, sending an animated smooch at the girl. The girl was giggling and of course, he was flirting. That’s what he was best at. Why did she ever think that she was special, and he was flirting exclusively with her? He was _Josh_ and he was a flirter, he didn’t want to be exclusive with someone. She sighed again and rolled her eyes, walking over to the bowl of punch, which was probably more alcohol than punch. Thankfully, it was on the other side of the kitchen which was a bit away from Josh.

She grabbed a solo cup and dipped it in, filling it to the brim with whatever it was and took a big swig, just wanting to have fun now. She took another big drink before she turned around and walked through the crowded area. She braved a glance at Josh from the side of her eyes and was surprised to see him watching her. His jaw seemed to be dropped and he was muttering to the girl beside of him.

Probably was just surprised to see her so dressed up. She took another drink and closed her eyes, missing the fact that someone was right in front of her. Sam stepped into a brick wall and quickly opened her eyes, seeing that the brick wall was, in fact, a person. Thankfully, her drink hadn’t spilled on him.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching were I was going, I swear I didn’t mean to run into you.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” The guy laughed, clearly amused by her rambling. “Hey, have we met before? I’m Alexander Parsons, but my friends call me Alex.”

She grinned. “Hi, Alex. I’m Samantha Giddings, but my friends call me Sam.” She held out her free hand and laughed again as took her in fully.

“Well, my, my. I never would’ve taken you for a ‘Sam’. You look more like Kendra or Patricia.” She snorted as he picked up her hand and instead of shaking it, he turned it, so the back of her hand was facing him, and he kissed it lightly as he bowed to her.

“Well, Sam. I’m pleased to have meet you tonight. My night was rather bleak until I saw you.” He said, staring at her with what seemed like stars in his eyes.

“Guess that you could say that I’m your saving grace, huh?” She inquired, sipping from her cup again.

“More like saving angel. And angel, that you are. Surely look like one.” He said smoothly, as he checked her out from top to bottom. Sam felt flushed from her neck to her ears and she was sure it was on display, but he didn’t say anything.

Sam saw in her peripheral that Josh was staring at them with an angry, mad, blazing look in his eyes and his cup was clenched in his hand. Chris was beside of him, talking to him, as he was looking over at the pair as well. Sam felt something like bravery swell up in her chest.

If he wasn’t interested, she wasn’t going to keep herself off the market for a guy that wasn’t into her. He had no reason to be angry at her for not entertaining him tonight, she just wanted to have some fun and Alex…he seemed like fun.

“Hey…” Sam started, draining the last two gulps of her cup before placing her cup on the table beside of her. “Would you…would you want to dance? With me?” She asked, uncertain of what he would say.

She barely had gotten the words out before he answered. “I thought you’d never ask.” He grabbed her hand and together, they walked out of the kitchen and into the main room, where the main dancing was going on.

She laughed as she tugged him into the middle of the room, twirling around. They started dancing with her back to his chest and she had never felt so _moved_ by something. His hands were on her hips and one of her hands were thrown back to grab onto the back of his neck while the other hand grasped the hand that he had on her right hip a little tighter, bringing it towards her inner thighs a little more.

By now, she felt the alcohol racing through her veins. She never drank much so when she did, it affected her easily. She hung her head back and let Alex guide her hips against his own. Sam lifted her lidded eyes and once again, met with the view of a straight-faced Josh with his arms crossed who was dead-set on staring at her. When their eyes made contact, he smiled slightly, gesturing and asking for her to come stand beside of him. Normally, she would be all for that but right now, she just wanted to dance with Alex.

She held up a ‘one minute’ signal, ignoring him for the time being, missing his face fall as she turned around, so she was face first with Alex. The hands that were around her hips slid down, so they were resting on her ass and he gripped them a little tighter, bringing her in towards him. She gasped lightly as the fronts brushed each other and she lost her track of thought, of who was wanting to talk to her, of anything but Alex.

She raised her hands and looped them around his neck and stared into his eyes. They were so dark with… _desire_ and she couldn’t resist it. She tugged him down and kissed him, biting his lower lip, only savoring it for a second before pulling back. She saw the slightly shocked look in his eyes and moved to his left ear.

“ _Meet me in the hallway by the guest room in 15 minutes_.” She whispered hotly, kissing his ear before leaning back and winking before turning around. She saw Josh with a murderous look in his eyes, his gaze set on someone behind her. She didn’t care though, she just wanted to know what he wanted before going to meet Alex.

“Hey, what’s up?” She said, running a hand through her hair. Josh didn’t reply for a second before looking at her. He quickly looked her over before staring at her.

“Sam are you okay?” Sam furrowed her eyebrows before nodding. She had never felt better.

“Just, you never normally drink, and you definitely don’t kiss someone without a first date. You’re just not acting like yourself.” Chris had appeared at Josh’s side and was also looking at her with worry.

“I’m fine, I’ve never been better!” She exclaiming, hearing a little lisp come out. Alcohol did affect her quickly. Thankfully, she only drank one cup. “I just want to have fun and to have fun with someone, is that a crime?”

“Well, no, but don’t you think this could be the alcohol talking?” Chris asked.

“You know what, maybe. Maybe it is but I honestly don’t care. There’s a hot guy and he’s interested in me. _Me._ Nerdy, sporty, ungirly Sam. I’m gonna take my shot and have some fun and make out with someone because they’re showing me interest and I just…want to, okay?” She said bluntly.

“So, you’re gonna show interest to anyone just because they saw that you have tits and are interested in what’s between your legs? Wow, Sam, congratulations. You’re just like every other drunk girl here. Not special.” Josh hotly said, nostrils flaring. Sam knew that he didn’t mean it, that he was lashing out because he was intoxicated and frustrated, but it still got to her and crushed her heart a little more.

She sneered. “Fuck you, Joshua. Fuck. You. Go eat a dick, you prick.” She fiercely said, point at his chest as she said, ‘fuck you’. She shook her head before turning on her heels, walking into the hallway where the guest room was to see Alex standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, there, hot stuff.” She didn’t say anything, just pushed him against the wall and planted her lips on him. She was so mad that she just wanted to focus on something else. Alex didn’t mind though, grabbing on the back of her legs and lifting her into the arm. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned as he slightly slammed her into the wall behind her. She dug her hands through his hair and quickly started to alternate between kissing him, sucking on his tongue, or leaving bite marks on his neck. He left his own marks on her as well. One of his hands were held onto her ass while the other had travelled up her shirt and was grasping at her boob.

She barely heard the gasp of someone entering the hallway but her subconscious heard someone calling out. “Sam?!” Footsteps left the hallway and she forgot about it, the blasting bass of the music was ringing in her ears. Most of her senses were all filled up with Alex.

She heard the footsteps come back though and she internally groaned. She was just getting into the fun.

“You just have to see it for yourself.” She heard the girl say. _Beth_. Her name came to mind. Two other pairs of footsteps joined her, and she didn’t have a mind to stop and neither did Alex. He sat her down on the ground to put his other hand down her pants, grasping her bare ass and playing with her panties. Suddenly, Alex was tugged away from her and she gasped as his hand was violently tore out of her jeans. She opened her eyes to see Alex getting restrained by Chris. Josh was standing at the end of the hallway, nostrils flaring as he breathed heavily in and out. He stalked forward, passing Sam to stare at Alex in the eyes as Chris held him.

“She’s fucking drunk, you know this. I haven’t seen you take in a drop of alcohol the entire night. You’re just going to go along with it?” Josh asked, obviously heated by the anger just dripping from his words.

“She fucking wanted it, you saw how she looked. Like a desperate little bitch in heat.” Alex barely got the words out before a fist slammed into the right side of his head. Alex groaned as Josh let his fist fall again, chest heaving with exertion. He nodded at Chris. “Get him out of here, he can sleep in the cold or he can walk home, I don’t care.”

Alex protested as he was forced to leave and soon enough, they couldn’t hear him anymore. Sam stood there, shocked at the turn of events. Her eyes looked between Beth and Josh. Beth was looking disappointed with her while Josh turned to look at her with angry eyes.

“And you? You’re supposed to be the responsible one, the one to not be FUCKING stupid!” He hollered, the blasting music barely covering his voice. She said nothing but stared at him as he stalked forward, their noses were now touching. She didn’t realize her lip was wobbling under she spoke.

“You ruined everything.” She said, not thinking, shaking her head in disbelief. “Everything. I know he only wanted me because I was willing. I know he was taking advantage of me. Fuck, Josh, I fucking know!” She seethed, clenching her hands that were by her side. She didn’t know what she was saying to be honest, she was just so mad that she was just spewing words. She didn’t think that Alex was taking advantage of her, but even if he was…Sam wasn’t sure if she cared much. She just wanted to be wanted for once.

Josh looked slightly taken back.

“I’m not that fucking drunk, I’m tipsy, sure, but I had one drink! ONE! You want to know why I’ve been so ‘fucking stupid’? Because when I’m sober Sam, I’m fucking NO ONE! I’m no one and no one is interested in me. I wanted to have some fun because I’m fucking lonely but no, the moment I’m having fun is the moment that I’m being stupid so, forgive me, saints, for my blatant disrespect to myself and everyone else.” She angrily said, leaning her head back to huff before walking away, bumping her shoulder into Josh.

“Sam, I’m sorry, it just looked like you were not all there in your head, ya know?” Beth said, talking to Sam as she walked by.

“Please, don’t talk to me. Good for fucking nothing…” She muttered, holding a hand to her head as she walked away. She stopped outside the hallway, noting the two pairs of footsteps following her. She leaned down and untied her boots and yanked them off. Holding the shoes in one hand, she flexed her toes before stalking forward, turning to go upstairs.

“Sam, you don’t have to go upstairs. It’s barely 11 PM.” Beth said, trying to fix whatever that had just happened.

“No. My fun’s been ruined so I’m going to go upstairs to sit in the guest room, I’m going to cry because it’s been a shitty night, and then I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.” She plainly said, already feeling her tears come to her eyes. It wasn’t even that big of a deal, it just felt like 15 times worse since she was slightly intoxicated. She heard pleading behind her once again, but she just ignored it, walking upstairs and into the room, shutting the door softly before sliding down it.

 _This night couldn’t have gotten worse_ , she thought as she leaned her head against the wood.

The next day, she had woken up to puffy eyes and a pounding head. She remembered everything that happened last night and was so embarrassed by how she reacted to them. It was like a domino effect, she couldn’t stand that Josh had been playing her with his words and flirting, so she lashed out and reacted. She found a guy who wanted her and wanted to just forget Josh for the night. Then she acted like a child.

She didn’t go downstairs for pain medication or water or anything, preferring to stay in the room so she didn’t have to face anyone. Sam made sure the door was locked before snuggling back into the bed, curling into a tight ball.

About three hours later, a hesitant knock landed on the door. She stared at the door and hoped the person would go away.

“Sammy?” It was Josh and she knew his stubborn ass wasn’t going to walk away but she could only hope.

“Sammy? Please don’t be mad. I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t try to control you and if you think that you’re able to handle yourself, then I should believe you, but please don’t ignore me and shut me out.” He said, talking to her through the door.

She sighed, silently getting out of bed and walked to the door. She unlocked the door and barely opened it to look at Josh. He had dark circles under his eyes and was staring carefully at her. She knew she still looked like a mess when his eyes softened with sympathy.

“Don’t…Don’t apologize. I acted like a spoilt child who had her favorite toy taken away, so I lashed out. All you were doing was looking at for me. If anything, I should apologize. To you, Beth, and Chris. I’m sorry. I really am. You won’t see me near alcohol for a long time. Not after last night.”

Josh accepted the apology and they stood there in silence. He then gestured to his head.

“You look like slept good. Or at least, your hair does. It’s…wild.” He grinned slightly, staring at her head. She grumbled and swatted at him, glad that the awkward air was clearing up.

“Get cleaned up, I’ll make you lunch, okay?” She nodded, going to shut the door. His foot got in the way and she pulled it back, confusion on her face. He reached in and tugged her close. “Let’s never fight against each other again, okay, Sammy? I hate it. I’d rather fight with you than against you.” Sam nodded, tucking her face into his chest for a moment before pulling back. She smiled before shutting her door, leaning against it again.

He may not like her like she liked him but at least he was still her good friend. She could live with that.

* * *

 

**Current Day**

Sam internally sighed. Even though she gave up on that dream, it was nice to think about it from now to then. She shook her head and heard something going ‘FWOOSH” from inside the lodge. The door eventually opened, and Chris winced as he opened the door, probably from not waiting for it to cool off.

Ashley and Sam clapped to amuse him and watched as he bowed theatrically.

“Thank you, thank you thank you, I’ll be here all week.” He said, before screaming as an animal runs out of the house.

The girls laugh at the scared man.

“Man, that thing freaked me out. It was like a bear, or a tiger, or something.” Chris said, huffing.

“Awe, it was just a cute little baby wolverine.” Sam teased, mocking him a little bit.

“Baby? There’s no way.” Chris said in surprise.

“Don’t worry buddy.” Josh stated, startling her since he approached so quietly. “You’re gonna be a big boy soon.”

The people standing outside walked inside, taking it in.

“Home, sweet home.” Josh muttered.

“Sweet is so not the word I’d use.” Matt said.

Ashley sighed gratefully. “It is SO GOOD to be inside. Even if it’s still kind of freezing in here”

“I’ll get a fire going, don’t worry.” Josh said as he walked over to the fireplace, messing with the stuff around it.

“It really hasn’t changed at all.” Matt said, in disbelief.

“Nobody’s been up here.”

They discussed the flow of police that had once been swarming this place before Mike and Jess walked in.

“What’s up party people!” Mike said loudly, greeting everyone.

“Heyyy!” Jess said, waving.

Everyone waved or greeted them back, the pair sitting down on the couch. Sam watched from the stairs as she took everything in. It was really weird to be back in the same place. The same place she really wanted to avoid.

But then everything crashed as Emily walked in.

“Oh. My god. That is _so_ gross. Are you trying to swallow his face whole?” She bluntly stated, jealousy written on her face.

“Em…” Matt, her current boyfriend, said.

“Seriously, can she be any more obvious? No one wants in on your territory, honey!”

“Excuse me, did you say something?” Jess said, staring at Emily.

“Oh, did you not hear me? Was your sluttiness too loud?” Sam shook her head and looked up, wondering why girls had to catfight over a guy.

Jess stood up. “Sounds like someone’s bitter she didn’t make the cut.”

“Yeah. It’s all a ‘big cattle’ call with that dreamboat. Congrats, you’re top cow.”

“Cuts real deep calling Miss Homecoming a cow.”

Emily went to go reply but Jess cut her off. “Whatever, I don’t give a crap what you think.”

“At least I can think. 4.0, bitch, honor roll. Suck on that when you’re trying to sleep your way into a job.”

“Who needs grades when you’ve got all the natural advantages you can handle?

“Oh please.”

“You couldn’t buy a moldy loaf of bread with your skanky ass.”

“Are you serious? Do you think that’s insulting?”

“That bitch is on crack or something.” Jess exclaims, turning around and looking at Mike.

“Jessica, you need to shut your mouth, okay?” Matt sound, firmly, trying to stick up for his girlfriend.

“No, you’re the one who needs to keep your nose out of other people’s business!”

“I’m about to get right up in your business you bitch!” Emily said with fire in her tone.

“Are we about to get real? Cause I am down to get real.” Jess loudly says, and Sam was fed up already.

“STOP IT!” She yells. Everyone turns to look at her, even Josh. She’s never one to yell or get angry but this was not why they were here.

“We’re here to heal and to help each other after what happened last year. Stop catfighting over a guy that clearly has chosen what he wants. If you can’t be friends, then you need to leave. At least, fucking be tolerant of each other. We weren’t invited up to scowl and poke at each other, we’re here to be together and be friends.” She hotly said, glaring at the two girls as they looked away from each with a guilty expression.

Josh stepped in. “If we can’t get along, then maybe we need a break? Mike, do you and Jess want to go to the guest cabin I told you about and stay there?”

Mike nodded. “Sure, alright. Jess, you want to go do that?”

Jess nodded, muttering something under her breath as she stepped away.

They leave, and Matt then imitates his head exploding. “Glad that’s over.” Sam nodded her head in agreeance. It was quite childish to fight over a guy that already picked who he had wanted. Matt got pulled away from Josh and started arguing with Emily about a bag, but Sam wasn’t interested.

She walked over to Josh and poked him. He turned from the fireplace and smiled at her, tucking her under his arm once again. “I haven’t seen you get so heated in a while, I think the last time was…”

“When I was drunk and wanted to jump into bed with the first person I saw, yeah. Fun times.” She said, grinning at him before rolling her eyes.

He shrugged. “You said it, not me.”

He eventually got the fire going and dusted his hands off on his jeans.

“Well, I’m gonna go help the exiled couple out really quick, tell them about the generator and stuff. I’ll be back in a second. Would you want to help me with the boiler downstairs for the water?”

Sam nodded. “Sure, I’d like to take a bath anyways.” She was desperately wanting to get warm and a nice bath sounded amazing. She also wanted to take her medication so that any symptoms of her schizophrenia wouldn’t act up on this trip.

Josh nodded and walked outside to catch up with Mike and Jess.

She looked around the sitting area, taking in the photographs and details of the room. It was still engraved in her mind from being here at least once a year, but it was still nice to refresh her mind. Soon enough, Josh walked back in and gestured for her to follow him. They walked down the steps and he reminded her to watch her step. They silently made their way downstairs and were eventually upon the boiler.

She holds the flashlight in place as Josh fiddles around with the boiler machinery. After that, he steps over and increases the water pressure and then hit the button that would fire up the boiler.

“Hurray!” Sam yelled, throwing her hands in the air to be extra. Josh grinned at her actions, ruffling her hair as she neared him. She’s not paying attention to him as he walks back to the boiler machinery but startles when she hears something behind her.

“What the hell is that…?”

Josh stared at her with confusion on his face. “Could be a lot of things… and none of them nice…”

“Hey, quit it.” Sam said, pouting a tiny bit.

“I’m just…just ‘Joshing’ ya.” Josh said, using his trademark excuse.

“Har har.”

“You were really freaked out.”

“I was not!”

“No, sorry, you just wanted to squeeze in some exercise on your tight schedule, yeah?”

“Don’t be a jerk! All I said was ‘what was that’ which is a totally normal reaction to hearing something weird.”

She stops as she looks over Josh’s shoulder. “Oh…my god. Don’t move, for fuck’s sake, Josh, stay still.” She mutter quickly, throwing a panicked look over Josh’s shoulder, looking at nothing.

“What?”

“Something’s right there.” She said, joking at first but then something starts to show up, grey and lanky with tight skin and about nine feet tall. Her fake panicked look becomes very real and it must show up on her face because Josh whips around.

Sam knows that it’s in her head, but she just wasn’t expecting her symptoms to flare up so quickly.

Sam quickly cackles, knowing that Josh isn’t seeing what she’s seeing. She makes a note to call her psychiatrist in the morning to ask if she can increase her dose to 60 mg a day, at least while she’s staying at the place where her schizophrenia was triggered.

“Gotcha! Thirty – Love.”

“What? No. Where’d you get the first point?”

Sam cocked her head. “Doesn’t it start at thirty?”

“No, fifteen.”

“Oh, well, I’m more of a ping-pong gal.”

The sound echoed through the basement once more.

“Okay, I know you heard that.” She muttered, looking at Josh.

“Huh.”

“The rhythm’s weirdly regular…”

“Nothing regular about it…” He stated. Sam decided to be the hero and said, ‘fuck it’.

“I’m gonna check it out.” She stated, walking around Josh who had started to walk in front of her.

“What? Why?” He looked more freaked out now, staring at her with concern and worry in his eyes.

“What do you care, fraidyface?”

“It’s probably nothing.”

“Well, why don’t you hold down the fort while I make sure.”

“Okay…Your call, Captain Sam.” He saluted and stood at attention. She laughed quietly before turning down the hall, walking through the hallway. As she got to the last room, someone jumped out and was wearing a mask. She screamed and ran away, throwing something down behind to slow the man down.

This was not doing wonders for her mind, seeing dark shows popping up in the corners and the wall started to turn into sludge. Josh ran in front of her, turning around to check on her every now and then. They ran up the stairs with vigor, trying desperately to escape. They tugged on the door, but it didn’t budge.

“Oh, come on! Why is this door locked!?”

“T-To keep out strangers!” Josh exclaimed shakily.

The man behind them started talking. “Hey…”

“…What?” Sam said.

“Heeeyyyyy…” The voice was sounding familiar.

“What the hell!” She stated, staring angrily at the man.

Chris pulled down his hood. “Boom! You just got monked!”

Sam stared angrily at him. She knew he wasn’t aware of her schizophrenia, but this prank made her schizophrenia act up and it was freaking her out.

“Why? Why would you do that?”

“There’s all this cool old movie crap down here. What was I to do? Not use it to my advantage for a prank opportunity?

“Are you serious? You’re serious. Were you in on this too, you putz?” She asked, turning to Josh.

“Nope, but I wish I was. That was so good.” The two boys high-fived and laughed. She fake laughed as well and waited for Chris to unlock the door, who handed the key to Josh. Josh relocked the door and Sam quickly made her way to the stairs.

Ashley and Chris started joking around but Sam was not interested at all, she wanted alone time and her medication for the walls and the floor, which was turning into water and she was _sinking sinking sinking_ , was messing with her. It felt like it took so much more energy to walk three steps than normal and she didn’t dare get near the walls, for they were mush and touching them would just slow her down even more.

“Have fun, you guys.” She said, not turning back, in fear of her expression being one of fear. “I’m going to go take a bath, I’ll be down shortly.” She rushed the words out, not seeing the concerned looks on the people behind her. She moved as quickly as she could up the stairs and up to the bathroom. She placed her backpack, which had still been resting on her back, on the chair and sat on the edge of the tub, breathing heavily.

She needed to take her medication. Right now. Her happiness quickly turned into a nightmare with her mind fucking with her.


	4. Coming to Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Josh talk about what they've been going through for the past year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not an expert on schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder nor am i doctor. i'm going based off my research i've done and i cannot confirm if it's 100% correct. also this is definitely not beta-ed so don't expect the best work ever lmao

Sam dug through her bag quickly, sighing in relief when she found her Geodon. She opened the bottle and popped the pill in her mouth, leaning over the sink to fill her mouth with a little bit of water. She quickly swallowed it and sighed in relief.

She had already taken her nightly dosage around four hours earlier. She took it with her dinner. But then it started freaking out, so she definitely needed another dosage. She dug through her bag and found a bag of peanuts, so she quickly ate that, seeing as she needed to eat something with this medication.

She had stocked up on tiny snacks once she had started her medication, not wanting to be in a tight situation where she needed to take her medication, but she had nothing to eat with it. She inhaled deeply and turned back around to lean over the edge of the bathtub. She started the water, running it to a good temperature, plugged the tub, and waited for it to fill up. She wasn’t going to immediately get in the water, so she turned the water temperature up a bit more, so it would still be toasty by the time she got in.

Sam waited to see the walls turn back into drywall and the floor to stop grasping at her feet. Her head felt woozy and she was honestly seeing eyes in the walls. She felt as if something was crawling down her spine and she stiffened up, holding her head in her hands. This wasn’t the first time it had acted up so intensely. It happened after a session with Dr. Ferguson as well. Sam knew she just needed to sit there and wait for the medication to kick, which might be a while. It could take 20 minutes, but it also could take an hour.

She kicked off her shoes and rubbed her feet against the ground, trying to get use to the pattern. She felt like she was kicking around in water, grasping at sand. The water was dark brown though with patterns of red and blue sporadically mixed in. At the far corner of the room, a hand popped out of the water. Sam stared at it.

Slowly the hand was joined by another hand. It looked like something was trying to claw its way out of the water. Which is impossible, because you can’t grasp onto water. But this thing, it was grasping onto as much water it could. A head joined the hands.

The head wasn’t much of a head. The front of the face was gone, leaving a bloody gap in the head. There were strands of hair that stuck to the sides of the head. The body followed after the head and the body was ripped apart. It’s intestines were sprawled through the water, the liver and stomach laying idly beside their calves. It’s heart was hanging from the veins and arteries within the body. It was pumping steadily, blood squirting all over the floor and the walls.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she put her hands over her eyes. Slowly the whispers started crawling in.

_Sa-am…_

_Sammmmmmmm._

_Open your eyes, Sam._

_Sammy, don’t you want to play with us? We’ve missed you so much!_

“You’re not real. You’re not real.” She whispered to herself.

_Why did you kill us, Sam? Did we mean nothing to you? So little to lose?_

Sam just kept chanting to herself, whispering over and over, desperately hoping that her medicine kicks in sooner. She stayed there, curled up in a ball, until the whispers started to float away, and the water drained away from her feet. She breathed heavily, pulling at her clothes and her hair. Deeming that what she felt was real, she looked up and sighed gratefully. She was thankful that her pills had been so effective so far. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if it got worse.

Sam pulled off her clothes and tucked herself into the bathwater, sinking into the warmth. She pulled her phone closer to her from the bathtub edge and turned on some music, trying to calm her nerves that had started to act up.

Leaning her head back, she drifted off to the music, forgetting that she left her bottle of pills laying on the counter.

Rudely woken up by banging, she jerked out of the water, covering herself as she looked around.

There was no one in the bathroom with her, her schizophrenia wasn’t acting up, but her skin was all pruned up now. She clicked bathed herself in the now lukewarm water before rinsing off and getting out. She wrapped a towel around herself before looking for her clothes. She rummaged through her bag, becoming confused when she didn’t notice any of her clothes in there. Even her dirty clothes were gone. She looked over at the door to see it slightly open. She groaned loudly.

“Whoever stole my clothes, you’re off my Christmas list!” She yelled, grumbling as she unplugged the bathtub. She froze when she noticed that she left her pills on the counter but relaxed, figuring that if they had saw them that they would’ve taken them and then interrogated her immediately. She grabbed the bottle and threw them in her backpack, zipped it up, and then walked out of the bathroom, in only a towel. Just a towel.

She grumbled more as she walked to the guest bedroom and threw her backpack near the bed, exiting just as fast as she entered. Sam walked down the stairs until she got to the main room. She saw Josh and Chris discussing something, so she walked up to them, poking Chris violently in the neck. They turned around so quickly and looked guilty of something.

“My clothes. Where are they?” She asked, not joking around. She was cold and there was barely any heat in this place still.

Chris quickly lost his panicked face before smirking and shrugging. Sam frowned and grabbed a pillow off the couch they were sitting on. She then proceeded to start beating him with it.

“Hey, hey, hey! Watch the merchandise!” He stumbled over his words, fumbling with trying not to get hit. Sam smacked with more vigor.

“If I don’t get my clothes in five seconds, I will break your _merchandise_.” She said, bringing the pillow way high above her head. It was yanked out of her hands less than five seconds later and she looked back to stare at Josh with betrayal written all over her face.

Josh wiggled the pillow above his head, smirking at her, before throwing it on the ground behind him. She rolled her eyes before crossing her arms.

“Seriously, I want my clothes back.” Sam said, looking at the pair.

“I don’t know, Sammy, this whole towel look could be your new fashion style.” Josh teased, tugging lightly at the bottom of the towel, obviously joking.

“Oh, hardy har.”

“C’mon then, let me hear it.” Josh said, imitating her pose.

“Hear what?”

“I want to hear you beg for you clothes back.” He said, an intense look coming into his eyes. Sam felt her throat tighten up and she swore that the room got a million times warmer. She laughed, pretending she wasn’t affected by his words and look.

“Yeah…not happening, scout.”

Josh shrugged his shoulders, grinning. “Alright, guess you’re spending the rest of the weekend in your towel.”

She narrowed her eyes at him then at Chris, who just meekly grinned back and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, ‘Josh is in charge here, I can’t do anything to help you’. She huffed and stared at Josh who refused to back down.

She threw her hands in the air. “Fine!” She said, not even thinking about giving in and begging.

Josh grinned bigger, as if he expected her to start pleading.

“Guess everyone’s gonna get a show of my towel and I, because I don’t give in easily to demands.” She said, adding a lilt to her voice, cocking her head as she walked by.

She heard Josh guffaw behind her, but she paid no heed, walking up the stairs instead. She got to the guest room before stopping. If she couldn’t wear her own clothes, she’ll just steal someone else’s. She turned on her heel and went straight for Josh’s room. She opened the door silently and shut it quickly and quietly. Sam took in the room that was filled with movie posters and little mementos before walking over to his dresser. After searching through his clothes, she decided on a plain black t-shirt, a pair of plain, baggy, dark gray sweatpants, and a dark blue checkered flannel. She forgone underwear, not really wanting to wear his boxers, but she did take a pair of his socks as well.

Grinning as she got comfortable in the clothes, she looked at herself in a nearby mirror. She thought she looked decent but that didn’t matter, she just was glad to be in clothes that covered her. She exited the room, holding the towel in her right hand and made her way back downstairs. The boys were still sitting on the couch, talking quietly again. She didn’t waste no time, throwing the towel on Josh’s head.

He made a noise of surprise and quickly wretched the thing off. His head turned around quickly, probably hoping for a quick flash of her or something. She rolled her eyes internally and crossed her eyes.

When his eyes landed on Sam, something dark ran through his eyes. Not bad dark, but heated-dark. He looked her up and down and once again. Sam didn’t wait though, she walked over to the other couch and sat down, lifting her feet up on the couch. She got comfy and looked back over to the pair.

“Stealing other people’s things, huh, Sammy?” Josh asked, a rasp in his tone. If Sam didn’t know better, she’d say that Josh was enjoying seeing her in his things.

“I learn from the best.” She said, grinning at him.

He chuckled, leaning back and admiring her. No other words were shared for a moment.

“Ooooooookay.” Chris said, his words taking on a teasing tone. “Tone down the weird flirting. We all know you guys want each other but please, at least get a room.”

Sam didn’t even hesitate. “Well, if anyone is getting action, it’s definitely not you and it’s definitely not Ashley with how you to dance awkwardly around each other.”

“Low blow, Sam. Low blow.” Chris said, pointing accusingly at her. Sam shrugged and grinned at him. At this time was when Emily and Matt walked back in.

“Hey.” Sam threw a greeting at them, turning to look at the pair. Emily muttered a greeting back before walking upstairs. “The guest room by Josh’s room is already taken!” She called after her, receiving a half-assed wave in return. Matt sighed and shook his head.

“Did you find that bag you guys were talking about earlier?” Sam asked him. He shook his head.

“It wasn’t on the path or by the cable car station, so I’m pretty sure that she left it at home but of course, Emily is always right. So, it’s my fault and she’s pissed.” Matt explained, tossing his hands in the air. Sam gave him a sympathetic smile. It really must suck to be with a girl you adored but she was so narcissistic that all she saw was herself. Matt shrugged his shoulders, ruffled his hair, and walked upstairs as well.

She turned away and looked back at the pair and Chris was looking longingly upstairs. Sam giggled and they both looked at her. She nodded her head at the stairs.

“Go on.” She said.

“What?” Chris said, confused.

“Clearly, you want to go somewhere else and be with someone else. That person’s name may start with Ash and end with ley.” She said. “Go spend time with her, for god’s sake.”

Chris innocently grinned before standing up and saluting them, walking up the stairs and out of sight.

“And that leaves two.” She said, turning back to look at Josh. He nodded, patting the seat next to him. She got up and sat in Chris’s previous seat. She lifted her feet and tossed them into Josh’s lap. He groaned.

“You’re so needy.” He whined, reaching down and massaging her feet. She let her head fall back and groaned as the sensations that rolled through her feet.

“But you’re so good to me.” She whined back, lifting her head and batting her eyes at him. He stared at her, biting his lip lightly, tracing over her face with his eyes.

She knew how she felt about Josh and she thought she knew how Josh felt about her, but was she right?

“So, what’s the plan, captain?” She asked, tugging her feet off of his lap and scooting closer to him. He threw his arm over her shoulder and tugged her closer.

“Well, tonight, we’re gonna binge watch movies and stay up stupidly late until we can’t see straight. Tomorrow, we’re gonna throw a little party and try to have some fun. And then after that, for the next two days, we’re just gonna do what we want to. I didn’t really plan too far ahead.” He admitted, scratching his head with his free hand. Sam grinned, knowing that he was more of an impulsive person than he was a planner.

“What movies? Horror, rom-com, western?” She asked.

“I’d figure that we would start with a good horror movie or two and then let the ladies decide on the last ones. It’s probably gonna be a unanimous decision to watch a romance or rom-com, so I’ve already come to terms with that.” He fake droned on, acting like he gonna be forced through torture with the movie choices. Sam knew better though, he was a romantic at heart and enjoyed the movies just as much as they did.

“You have to promise me that we won’t watch the Notebook.” She said, snuggling in closer and enjoying Josh’s warmth.

“Any particular reason why?”

“I’ve seen it way too many times and I’m not interested in hearing crying girls around me.” She said bluntly, feeling his chest stiffen with the effort to not laugh.

“Alright, noted. Any movie that you wish to see? I could make it happen if you just say the words.”

“Big Hero 6? Please?” She knew she would need an easy movie after horror movies, so she went with a familiar one that was released last year.

“I guess I can put in the plans, just for you, Sammy.” She grinned and threw an arm around her and held him close.

“Thanks, Josh. You’re the best.” His hand rubbed up and down her back.

“Yeah, that’s me.” He sighed.

They were silent for a few moments.

“Sam?” She hummed. “I know you said that you’re dealing with what happened last year in your own way and that you would come to me if you needed me. But I feel like you try to be so independent that you forget that you don’t have to do it alone. So, I’m begging you to let me in and let me help. Consider this my way of cashing in my win from earlier when you said you’d do anything for me to let you up. Anything being you and your problems. Let me in, Sammy.”

Sam stiffened up and went over the words in her mind, thinking them over. It would be nice for someone else to know and she was planning on telling everyone by the end of the trip. She mulled it over for a few seconds before sighing, giving in.

“Okay. But!” She stated, before he got too excited. “You can’t get mad at me for keeping this to myself for so long.”

He nodded, agreeing to her terms. She left the comfort of his arms and turned towards him, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Last year, after everything happened, my mind sort of shattered? That’s the easiest way to put it. But before I get into that, I’ve been keeping something big from you. Like, big _big_.” She said, gulping as fear started to enter her body. She really didn’t want to talk about that day, she really didn’t want to tell Josh that she may have known where his sisters ended up, but it was all in her head so it should be fine.

“Last year, when I was running with the twins away from whatever we heard in the noise, I don’t distinctly remember what happened. There’s two different scenarios and one of them I had to make up but they blur together so easily that I don’t know what’s real. In one version, I watch your sisters fall off a cliff as a creature is burned by a stranger while I’m petrified in the forest. In another version, we got split up when running and they got lost while I ended back at the lodge. I don’t know which one is real or fake and my mind got really confused and it kind of fell apart.” She said, looking at her nails the entire time she was describing that night that happened a year ago.

She looked up at Josh and he was looking at the ceiling. He eventually looked at her. “I know that you’re expecting me to be upset that you didn’t tell me and expecting me to get mad that you could’ve known where they were this entire time. But Sam, say that you did see them fall off a cliff. You say something traumatic and shut it out. That’s understandable. I wish it wasn’t my sisters, but I can’t fault you for being traumatized. I can’t get mad at you for trying to make sense of what happened. If anything, I’m glad that at least you showed back up. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you would’ve been gone like my sisters. And I personally would like to think that the second version is the real one because a ‘creature’, do you mean like a bear or something?”

“It was like almost nine to ten feet tall, lanky, and it seemed like it was merciless. It was terrifying, if that possibility was real, Josh. I wouldn’t want to come back to these mountains if there was a big chance of that possibility being real. I wouldn’t have come.”

Josh nodded, taking all that in. He was taking it very well, considering things.

“Okay, I’m not saying that that version didn’t happen but it’s hard to believe.”

“I know! But my mind believes it more than I would like to admit. My mind shattered because of the fear, Josh.” She said, gripping onto his hand. “I started seeing things, like that creature in the corner of my bedroom or your sisters standing over my bed and talking to me. I’ve seen demons and bloody creatures; the walls sometimes turn into sludge or mush and the floors turn into pools of water that are hard to walk through. Sometimes people will talk to me in my head and tell me that it’s all my fault that they’re gone. Sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I want to fight back and argue that I don’t know what happened. But every time that I try to interact and fight back the things that are in my head, they get stronger and have a bigger presence in my head. I feel crazy when I start talking to people and things that aren’t even there, that are just in my head.” She rambled, feeling the need to get it all out.

Josh looked flabbergasted. “That’s fucking crazy, Sam. How are you still sane? I don’t think I could deal with seeing things like that all the time, especially not if voices were telling me that it’s my fault for an accident that I probably had no control over.”

That was Josh’s way of saying that it wasn’t her fault, it was a bad situation that she had no control over and shouldn’t feel guilty about how the twins ended up.

“Technically speaking, I’m not sane. I’ve been seeing Dr. Ferguson for the past eleven months and for the past nine months, I’ve known that my mind is not the same that it was before their disappearances. He diagnosed me with psychotic depression, PSTD, and schizophrenia.” She said, finally admitting it for the first time. Weirdly enough, it was like a weight had been released off of her chest.

“Fucking Christ, Sammy. Psychotic depression sounds wild enough without PTSD and schizophrenia added on top of that. And you’ve been dealing with this on your own?”

She nodded. “For the most part, yeah. The only people that know is Dr. Ferguson and my mom. I didn’t really want to admit it to anyone.”

“I can understand. I knew you were going through some stuff but I never imagined…Are you taking medication or anything? I doubt that you’d be functioning somewhat normally without a little help.” He said, looking at her with sadness and understanding in his eyes.

“Yeah, he started me on Prozac and Geodon. Prozac is…”

“An anti-depressant, to help with the PTSD and partially help with the psychotic depression. Geodon’s an anti-psychotic and it helps with the schizophrenia and the psychotic depression.” He said, finishing her statement.

“How did you…?”

“Sam, I’ve been on Prozac since I was eleven. I only know about the Geodon because when we stole your clothes, I may or may not have seen your pill bottle and was looking it up online. Chris kind of knows that you have it as well, he was sitting with me while I was looking it up.” Josh said, looking slightly embarrassed by invading her privacy.

Sam wasn’t mad though, she would’ve done the same thing if she saw one of her friends on medication when they were supposed to be ‘okay’.

“Since we’re opening up about secrets, I’ll let you know one of my own. I haven’t told anyone, not even Cochise.”

Sam leaned in, interested.

“After their disappearances, I also developed a disorder as well. Mine isn’t what you’ve been diagnosed with. But Dr. Hill said that he believes for me to have dissociative identity disorder. It’s where I basically have a split personality. Sometimes, it feels as if I’m in the passenger seat while he’s taking over.”

“He?”

“My alter, the other person in my head. His name is Luke or, when he’s in a violent mood, the Psycho. Luke is like an older brother, in a sense. When my sisters disappeared, I didn’t have any family left. Yes, my mother and father are still alive, but they haven’t been my parents in a long time. Luke was my protector of some sorts, and protection was what I needed. I didn’t want to deal with and process my sister’s death, but Luke helped me slowly come to terms with it. He would majorly take over when we were dealing with the funeral and the police and their things, but he slowly would make me take the driver seat and deal with things, allowing me to slowly come to the realization that they were gone. It felt like the end of the world, but he helped me understand that their death wasn’t the end and that their memory would live on forever in us.”

“And Luke? What’s he like? Is he you or?”

“He’s his own person, he just happens to share a body with me. He’s the person I needed most during the traumatic part of my life. He looks like we could be blood-related and that’s because I wanted a big brother or big sister there to protect me and help me. He’s who I needed most. Luke doesn’t take kindly to his family being threatened or being humiliated. He’s one to quickly get revenge and show people what they’ve done wrong. He actually wanted to play this massive prank on everyone at this get together, by making you guys think that there was a manic killer chasing you and that you were gonna die all while recording you then he was gonna make it go viral, humiliate you guys just like Hannah was humiliated. I, thankfully, talked him out of it. Yeah, it was a shitty prank and my sisters are basically gone because of it but I can’t hold grudges and live with the fact that I could ruin someone’s life and give them nightmares and make them fear me for a little revenge. Luke didn’t like my logic but agreed to stand down, seeing as I truly was the one that was going to have to live with the consequences.”

“You guys talk to each other? How does he feel about what I said happened last year?”

“We don’t necessarily talk but more like send thoughts to and from each other, if that makes sense. Like, I can get strings of thoughts about what he wants to do or if he wants to take control, but I can’t know what he’s always thinking. If we try really hard, we can send thoughts to and from to have a slight conversation. Sometimes, we’ll communicate through a notebook and leave messages for the other. And about what you said happened last year…well, do you want to talk to him? He agreed not to come out this weekend unless necessary, but he wants to talk to you. Only for a few minutes, is that okay?” Josh asked, eyes wide with uncertainty and fear. Sam nodded, although she was scared shitless. She didn’t know if Luke was going to be pissed or upset with her.

Josh nodded and leaned his head back slightly, closing his eyes. For a few minutes, nothing happened and then, Josh’s eyes opened up. His entire stance changed, going from sitting leisurely to sitting straight up and turning towards her slightly. She looking into his eyes and noted that his awareness was different. He wasn’t looking at her jokingly and fondly but instead looked at her with a comfortable and understanding look, a look that didn’t look like Josh.

“…Luke?” She asked, feeling weird by calling Josh a different name.

He nodded. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Samantha. Joshua really does not stop talking about you and I’ve seen and heard of you much more than I would like to admit.” Luke said, letting one corner of his mouth move upward before dropping it.

“Samantha, I cannot thank you enough for opening up to Joshua and I. We really do appreciate it and understand why you kept it to yourself for so long. It was traumatizing, and you wanted to process on your own time. I hate that my sisters were possibly caught in the crossfire of a creature and died horrifically but I’m glad to know what happened.”

“Thank you for being understanding. I was scared that I was going to lose my friendship with Josh over this.”

“Joshua can’t even begin to think about you not being in his life. He treasures you, Samantha. You’re special to him. You’ve been a strong encouragement for him during his dark times. Since Josh trusts you so much, you’ve found an ally in me. I’ll try to be there to protect you if you need it. Not primarily for you even though I do care about you, but more for Josh’s sake. I don’t think he could handle losing such an important person in his life.”

Sam nodded, appreciating his words. “Thank you, Luke. For being there for him when I wasn’t there and helping him. I need him more than anyone understands.”

Luke grinned crookedly. “I think I know more than you think.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.

Luke didn’t say anything, looking over her shoulder. “Joshua is getting impatient, wanting to come back and spend time with you. Do tell him that he should stop being so possessive and impatient, it’s not a pretty look on him.” Sam laughed and nodded, agreeing that she would tell him.

“It was nice to talk to you Luke, maybe we’ll talk in the future?”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. Au revior, Samantha.” Luke closed his eyes and quickly, opened them back up. The eyes, once serious, were now full of fondness and bright. Josh quickly brought her in for a hug and tightly held her.

“Thank you so much, Sammy, for being so understanding with this.” Sam hugged back and understood were his gratefulness was coming from.

“Of course, I’ll always be here for you through whatever you’re going through. No matter what.”

They sat there hugging for another moment before they released each other. Sam laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye.

“Well.” Josh started, standing up and yanking her up with him. “Want to go drag everyone else down to the theater room to start the movie night? 10 points if you have to force them to come down, 20 points if you have to drag them, 50 points if you scare them down, and 100 points to whoever can get Jess and Mike here the fastest. Game on?”

“You’re going down, Washington.”

“Bring it, Giddings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not an expert on schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder nor am i doctor. i'm going based off my research i've done and i cannot confirm if it's 100% correct. also this is definitely not beta-ed so don't expect the best work ever lmao

**Author's Note:**

> So, how is it so far? Should I continue this or modify it any?
> 
> I'm a little obsessed, not gonna lie, with Sam knowing what happened to the twins yet is convincing herself that she made it up. It's crazy what you can make the mind believe if you really want it to.
> 
> This is sadly going to create a whole lot of problems in the future for Sam, Josh, the future relationship, and the rest of the group. Friendships are going to be tested, people are going to lose trust, someone might just plan something horrible, stay tuned to see how this all turns out.


End file.
